I, The Placid

I'm 23 years old. Quite young some would say. I am young but old enough to reach that dangling thread of maturity. When this thread dangles in front of your eyes, never hesitate to grab it. More than a year ago, I first learned the real meaning of "heartbreak". It was an unfortunte yet strengthening eperience. I learned a lot from myself and from the people surroundig me. I was surprised to learn that I'm stronger than I felt. After this experience, I felt like a boulder of rock. I am so strong, so hard, and so heartless.

One friend called me phobic. I became so afraid and so careful in giving my affection even for a friend. I was of losing again that I refuse to become so attached to another person. I found few people who learned to deal with me and my "heartlessness". It's not that easy being friends with me. These people had to listen to my sarcasm everyday. I don't know how they could stand it but they did and they still do. I had an easy, honest companionship with people who are a lot like me.

I felt normal. I feel normal. I thought I was alright. I thought I was doing fine. Few days ago, I met some people I never thought of seeing again. Then I realize I was not fine, I'm actually in a perfect, happy condition.

Last Friday was Iloilo Dinagyang's Opening Salvo. For us who living in La paz, this meant walking from school to the dormitory. As I was happily walking on the bridge passing Iloilo River, I saw my past. I saw them heading towards my direction. Not quite expecting this and not really knowing what to say, I panicked for a second or two. Sine they were heading my way, I opted not to avoid them. I have nothing to hide and not guilty. I look straight at them and smiled.

I don't know if they saw it and I don't care. I felt happy. I actually felt happy. I was shocked but happy. I think, unconsciously, I've been dreading yet waiting for this moment. Now I can truly say to myself, without being a hypocrite, that I am way over him. He's from the past and will remain there.

I am young and I'm still a rock. I am unruffled by slight disturbances. I couldn't help but be proud of myself and believe me I'm rarely proud of myself. My tranquility remains. The water still flows gently, moves few pebbles once in a while but continues their gentle flow. I know this will continue for I am placid.